Most understood the point I was making in the article, but rather than relaxing and just going with the flow, they wanted to know: “How can I fix it if I was stressing too much? When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome. The next step is to get to the root of it and figure out how to solve it.But then you don’t hear from him for a day or two and immediately hit the panic button. In his mind, the relationship is going great, he’s happy to have met a great girl like you and he can’t wait to finish this big project so he can see you again. You’re relieved, but at the same time, you are so in it now.And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts. He’s happily going along doing his thing while you are knee-deep in heartbreak mode, mourning the loss of what could have been and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up.Or let’s say you’re in a serious relationship and there has been talk of getting engaged but he hasn’t popped the question yet.Instead of getting angry about it, just give yourself a deadline.
If I don’t hear from him by X day at Y time, then I am allowed to be upset about this,” and then just take it out of your mind. This is But I realized that identifying the problem is only half the battle.You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way. I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships. Things started out fun and light, I got excited about the possibilities…and then became scared that my imagined future wouldn’t come to be…and then panic set in.Maybe you’d like to go on dates more regularly or see him a few times during the week.
Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it.From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable.